So what is so great about running around on a huge filed trying to score a ball that 21 other people also want to score? Lucky enough 10 of them are on your side. Playing football since I was five, both my parents playing I hardly grew up on the football court. I have made friends for life, met wonderful people that have lived there life for the game and I have learned so much about non-profit work and associations. The world of football has taught me so much about team play, friendship, fighting spirit and not to give up when there is still time left. I love to play it, watch it, talk about and live it...because it is my lifestyle.
With everything good comes something bad, someone once said and football is not an exception. A small group of people calling them self supporters bring a great shame over the whole football world. The rest of the world calls them hooligans. Hooliganism cost millions every year, people get hurt or maybe even die. The clubs get punished and the society has to pay for the damage they do. Their beliefs are not even close to what football stands for. Because loving one team does not come with hating its opponent? And hatred is not the way to help your team to success? They call them self supporter but that is the least they are.
The other aspect of football that I am not a fan of is how it has become a billion dollar industry. Billionaires like Roman Abramovitj buy the football clubs like the rest of the world’s population by themselves food. The money gives them power to buy any players they want, and those players will get a weekly payment that would feed thousands of starving people.
No matter how much I love this sport I am never going to defend criminal acts or hooliganism. Football is not suppose to be about money, anger or hate for the once you don’t love it is suppose to be about the game, fellowship, joy and love. Football is such a beautiful thing because it can bring people from all over the world together. It doesn’t matter if you are black or white, rich or poor, a boy or a girl, Christian or Muslim; everything you need is a ball. So let’s start play!
Dear Anna,
ReplyDeleteThanks for a very good blog with a very good topic! I agree with you that football is the best and I als love everything that has to do with it! Sorry, I can not play anymore after two wrapper(?) operations :( But enough about that!...
You are a very good writer and it shows that you are comfortable with the English language.
It is a good flow in text and is easy to follow and understand.
If I may complain about something, it is that I would like to read more about your own love for the sport. Maybe a particular memory you have that has meant a lot. And not the two paragraphs where you wrote about the bad that comes with the sport. But that is only for my own happiness :)
Well done!
See you on friday!
Frida
Dear Anna,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your interesting text about football. You almost managed to convince me that it’s an interesting game – almost! I truly envy you who can see the beauty in it, because it sounds so nice the way you describe it!
As to the structure of the text, you deal with one idea per paragrah, which is exactly what you should do. You do make use of topic sentences, but make sure they are all down to the point, as a kind of heading to their paragraph. In your introduction you give a background to the topic that catches the interest of the reader, but unfortunately you fail to include a topic sentence or question for causal analysis. In your case, I think the question you pose in the second paragraph, “So what is so great about running around on a huge filed trying to score a ball that 21 other people also want to score?” would have worked quite well as a question for a causal analysis. You could then have dealt with paragraph 2 (team play) and other positive things. However, in paragraphs 3 and 4 you actually talk about negative things, thereby weakening the point you are trying to make (= listing things that are great about football). You should avoid making this kind of mistake since it has a negative effect on your essay. Your concluding paragraph is excellent. You sum up your main points and then make an intelligent remark at the very end – well done!
As to your language, it is very good! I’d just like to point out a few things. Make sure you know the difference between “there” and “their”, “ones” and “once”. In “Playing football since I was five, both my parents playing I hardly grew up on the football court.” there must have been some kind of word choice mistake. I guess you mean e.g. “almost” rather than “hardly”? Also, you say “themselves” and nothing else! The sentence “Football is not supposed to be about money, anger or hate for the once you don’t love it is suppose to be about the game, fellowship, joy and love.” is a bit awkward, but it can be solved by putting in e.g. “, rather,” after the first “love”, or start a new sentence there: “On the contrary, it is...”. In “let’s start play” you need either use the ing-form (playing) or use the infinitive marker (to play).
Good luck for the exam!
Best,
Marika